I
long to speak the
deepest words I have to say to you; but I dare not, for fear you should
laugh.
That
is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest.
I
make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.
I
long to tell you the truest words I have to say you; but I dare not,
being afraid that you would not believe them.
That
is why I disguise them in untruth, saying the contrary of what I mean.
I
make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.
I
long to use the most precious words I have for you; but I dare not,
fearing I should not be paid with like value.
That
is why I give you hard names and boast of my callous strength.
I
hurt you, for fear you would never know any pain.
I
long to sit silent by you; but I dare not lest my heart come out at my
lips.
That
is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words.
I
rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.
I
long to go away from your side; but I dare not, for fear my cowardice
should become known to you.
That
is why I hold my head high and carelessly come into your presence.
Constant
thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever.